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Would you rather watch TV than tear up the sheets with your honey? So why are you spending Saturday night binge-watching? Chalk it up to menopause. For many women, a low libido is just one more irritating byproduct of aging. Psychological issues — including depression, stress and relationship problems — can dampen sexual desire. But as women age, physical changes play a role too. In fact, having an active sex life after menopause is still possible — with a little work, patience and experimentation, Barnard says.

Read on to learn how… What is the difference between libido or sex drive, and arousal?

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Sex drive is the colloquial term for libido. Arousal is the [physical] process — the stimulation to the body — that begins after you notice a desire for sex. Do women in menopause generally have more trouble with low libido or arousal?

Women have sexual pain or trouble achieving orgasm due to the aging process. Slow or low arousal is the most common change that postmenopausal women experience. Many women I talk to who complain about low libido are interested in sex, but they become frustrated when it takes a long time to get aroused or have an orgasm. So they stop responding to their interest because it's just not worth it.

Alleviating pain seems like the first step. What do you recommend for that? To help with pain caused by dry, thinning skin, start by using a water-based vaginal moisturizer.

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Gently rub the lubricant into the vulva and inside the vagina as far as you can reach. The silicone lubricant will seal the surface of your skin and make it slippery, while the water-based lubricant adds moisture to your skin. You may find that you prefer one type of lubricant for sex, and another for daily moisturizing. Smooth it on any time during the day when you feel dry. You can also insert it into your vagina with a dropper at bedtime to moisturize your vaginal tissues all night long. Besides, daily moisturizing, we recommend massaging your vulva daily, both manually and with vibration.

This helps the skin become more flexible, with better blood flow and thicker, more resilient tissue underneath.

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We call these three steps the Vaginal Renewal Program. Once pain is managed, how can you boost a low libido? Start an active practice of thinking about sex. Set an alarm on your phone for three to five times a day. When the first one goes off, think about the last time you had good sex.

The next time, think about a great fantasy. Then the next time, think of a scene out of a movie that turned you on.

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Spontaneous, body-instigated lust happens only when we fall in love. But you can create a great deal of eroticism if you choose it and make it a priority. The more good sex you have, the more you want it. Have your partner learn to point out the small, first s of arousal.

You also need to schedule sex, just like you did when you were new parents — only now the oven takes longer to preheat, so you need to schedule more time. You recommend that women be adventurous to improve sex after menopause. What do you suggest? Everyone is different, but I find that little adventures work best: Going without underwear to a fancy dinner, someplace where the tables have long tablecloths and enjoying a little semi-public sex play.

Or just going without panties and slipping a note to your partner that you have done so! A great book called Grrreat Nights of Sex by Laura Corn gives you suggestions, half for her and half for him to arrange. So you don't have to come up with your own ideas if you are stuck. Can food such as oysters be an aphrodisiac? No food has been proven to increase libido. But a diet high in antioxidant-rich foods helps by increasing your circulation, opening up blood vessels and making you strong and flexible.

These foods include:. Do you recommend vibrators to help improve a low libido?

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Vibrators are great. They offer the long-lasting stimulation our bodies need. You could do it, but do you really want to do that now? No, you have an electric mixer. What is a pump? This is a small, hand-held vacuum system, in which a plastic cup fits over the clitoris to stimulate blood flow and help increase arousal. There are less expensive pumps, but many women find them intrusive. Can these help with orgasms? Yes, these exercises help strengthen and increase flexibility of the pelvic floor.

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While they are typically recommended to prevent incontinencethey can also help your orgasms be stronger. To properly do Kegel exercises, locate the muscle by inserting a finger into your vagina and squeeze around it. Hold the squeeze for 10 seconds and then fully relax for 10 seconds.

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Kegel exercises don't actually tighten the vagina, but they tone and strengthen vaginal muscles, which can increase arousal. They also cause a tighter grip during intercourse and more intense contractions during orgasm because it increases blood to the vagina. Any final suggestions? Most of the ways you make sex better is by having a really healthy body and working with your own mind. Become playful and willing to experiment. Health Topics. Health Tools. By Susan Spillman. Last Updated: November 17, If you and your partner are connected, go ahead and start playing because the likelihood is you will have fun.

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